She was the problem. She was wild. I am not talking a little wild…I am talking wild to the core.
She was so much fun. I just loved her, but she was the problem.
It seemed that every time we got together, the cops were called and there was a ton of drama. Yes…she was the problem.
We got off on being as crazy as possible, and I only recall memories of our time together with fondness. But deep down, I felt that if I distanced myself from her, I would distance myself from the craziness of alcoholism. I didn’t even realize that I was an alcoholic at the time.
So, I walked away…somewhat consciously and somewhat unconsciously.
Our lives diverged and we didn’t talk for many years. We didn’t have a falling out. We just simply migrated away from each other.
We lived only a few short blocks from each other, but each of us was on our own path of destruction, spiraling out of control individually and without knowing that the other was in a tailspin as fast and furious as our own.
The truth was that we suffered from the same illness, and when we got together it was like gas and a flame. We were highly combustible.
Today…some eight to ten years later…we have reconnected via social media. It’s been like picking up where we left off, sans alcohol.
I have been sober for 21 months, and she also had a few months under her belt. It has been an incredible reunion.
We have been having so much fun and laughing like we did before. And, now we talk about alcoholism and the obsession of the mind. We connect like we never did before. We have a common bond that only two alcoholics can share.
While our connection has been amazing, we are still on two different paths. I am a member of a 12-step program and am diligent in my recovery. She is going at it alone using tools she developed in rehab, including writing and meditation.
I know that there is no one right answer for everyone in sobriety. But, I have seen many people fall who try to do this on their own.
She told me last week that she had been thinking about drinking. I shared some of my experience with her about what I do when that thought crosses my mind, and I took her with me to a meeting.
She said meetings weren’t for her but she knew she should do them.
She relapsed this week, went to the hospital after falling down and is now in detox.
In my time in sobriety, I haven’t wanted this gift more for anyone than I want it for her. I love her so much and want her to know the peace, serenity and joy I have found in this new way of life.
There is life after alcohol. A big bold beautiful life awaits those who are suffering and who can find their way to sobriety.
My wish for my friend is to find an ounce of courage, a smidgen of willingness, a tiny crack of open mindedness…a dash of hope to try something different. My wish for my friend is sweet soulful sobriety.
And, it is my wish for you too.
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