It’s hard to believe that a family so broken could begin to mend. The mending of old wounds takes time–lots of time. But there is hope.

There is something about time and aging that softens our hearts and quiets down the ego. Or maybe it is a combination of time, aging and life in sobriety that allows forgiveness to settle in and compassion to flourish.

Family wounds can be deep and hard. And, if we hold onto old stories and “victim” mentalities, there may never be an opportunity to repair and rebuild relationships.

Awakening to love.

This weekend was filled with so much hope, healing and happiness for me. It was a weekend of awakening to love–how fitting that we are on the cusp of Valentine’s Day…nothing goes unnoticed in my conscious mind.

This little family of mine is exemplifying love in so many forms that I am overcome with pure joy as I begin to relish in this feeling.

What does love look like?

Compassion for others.

Flexibility to go with the flow even when it isn’t planned for.

Generosity in giving to each other.

Thinking of others and the future and what that looks like for all of us.

Sacrificing a daily routine in order to spend a moment together.

Laughter and lightness at knowing each other so well.

Nurturing and affection through cooking a favorite meal, snuggling on our furry friends, and saying “I love you.”

Complimenting each other for a plate of delicious homemade spaghetti and for helping to tie up loose ends.

Reminiscing drives around town offer great opportunities to share nuggets from the past, reminding me that there were a lot of really great memories in this tiny town.

Communicating about our feelings for each other and for those who are not with us. Sharing out heartache, our fears, and our unified hope for a son and a brother who hasn’t found his way home.

Teaching me about their gifts in life. My mom taught me how to crochet this weekend. I never had any ambition to learn from my mom what she had learned from her mom. It feels good to take an interest in her interests and find the peace of mind that comes with chains and double crochet.

When I read the words above, they seem so obvious; but they seem new to me, and when practiced together in unison, they are mind blowing.

The old Rene wants to say that it’s because I was only home for a few days that we could be so loving, generous, thoughtful and kind to each other. But the new Rene knows differently. My life has changed for the better and with that comes positive changes in relationships and looking at my life through a new lens (be it a bit rosy).

This past weekend was magical for me with my parents. We understand that life is precious and all we have is today. This new place that we are in took time…lots of time. It took hard lessons. It took silence and resentments. It took falling and crawling. It took ego smashing.

My little family isn’t all sober, but we share a common thread…we all have willing hearts and so much love for each other.

This weekend felt very safe in love. It isn’t something I have felt before. I am going to sit with this for a while. It’s a new beginning for me, and I kind of like it.