Since coming out of the “writer’s closet,” I haven’t been sleeping too well. My mind is buzzing with ideas. It’s amazing and all, but sometimes it’s like a pesky little fly inside my head buzzing and buzzing, and I just want to slap it down!
Hmmm…a reference to flies. How funny. I have been battling flies in my life for about six months now. I am being totally serious. Every single day, I find a fly or two in my house, and they drive me absolutely bonkers. OMG! I am seriously having a revelation as I write this.
So, I have a little dog named Stitch. He does do his “business” in the back yard on occasion. For the most part, I take him on walks, and he does his business around town, and I am pretty diligent about picking up his stuff, but I still have flies.
It is so infuriating. If I open the back door for one stinking second, a pesky, buzzing fly sneaks into my house. Argh! And, I have become a master fly killer. I actually try to save them by using a towel of some sort to grab them and throw them outside to fly free.
They bother me most at night. In the evening, I will hear a fly buzzing and it’s maddening. Maddening I tell you!
According to animal totems, flies represent rebirth, vision and abundance. They are persistent, consistent and determined (You tell me! These little bastards are incorrigible.) They goad us with their presence until we surrender to our higher purpose and know that prosperity and abundance are soon to come.
I digress so much! I did not intend to sit down and write about flies this morning, but this is what came up for me, and I am learning to just follow my heart.
Do you know that for the last few days I haven’t seen a single fly in my house?
All this time, I have been blaming the flies on remnants of Stitch’s fecal matter in the yard. It was the only reason I could think of that I would continue to see a fly in my house EVERY SINGLE DAY!
Now that I am on this subject…I realize that the flies were here to grab my attention. To wake me up. To tell me do the damn thing! And, now that I have been doing the damn thing, the flies have gone away (I hope permanently!)
When I started out this post, I was going to write about showing up. How I haven’t been sleeping because I am on fire for life and writing, and my head is on mental overdrive.
I meet a couple of gals on line each weekday morning to work out in a virtual group. This morning I woke up exhausted and very cranky. But I knew they would be working out and that I needed to show up for them, as well as for me.
So, I stumbled out of bed and logged in, cranky and irritated by their upbeat demeanor. I chose to do yoga because I just didn’t have it in me for weights or high vibe cardio. I listened to my body, and I stretched. Lo and behold, by the end of the 30 minutes, I was happy and content. I showed up.
I also have recently committed to writing and posting every single day. If I allow it, it can be a lot of pressure. I do often wonder “but what will I write about?” I have just been showing up. EVERY SINGLE DAY to tap in to my heart and begin to write. I am showing up.
There have been long periods in my life when I chose to not show up. I wouldn’t show up because I was in self-pity or just pure complacency.
2017 has been a year of unbelievable miracles in my life. UNBELIEVABLE! I believe these miracles were God nudging me to show freaking up.
The flies were beckoning me to show up for life.
For today, I am choosing to show up in life. To show up for people whom I have made commitments. To show up for my family and friends. To show up for my sobriety and for me.