The big beautiful truth! Wow! It sounds so easy. There's some old adage about the "ugly truth of things." It's funny, but upon reflection, I find that there's nothing ugly about the truth. It's an old story that I have been replaying in my mind for years. The false story is this. That I'm not enough just as I am. That somehow if I act and do like others, I will be liked and accepted. That pretending to be something I'm not is way better than just being good ol' me. Growing up and into my early adulthood, I have been a chameleon like no other. Tell me how to dance, and I will dance for you. When I dated a cowboy, I became a cowgirl with a big belt buckle and ropers to match. When I dated an iron man, I became an athlete (even though I hated working [...]
Sunday, February 22, 2015 is my seven year anniversary of sobriety. When we moved to Richmond, VA four years ago I was grateful for a fresh start; not for myself but for Sugar-britches. But guess who told our new friends about his mama’s recovery? Sugar-britches! Guess who won’t let a sober anniversary go by without going to an AA meeting to get my poker chip? Sugar-britches! He says, “Mama, it’s kinda a big deal”. Well, if he’s talking about God’s Grace, then he is so right! For Valentine’s Day, Prince Charming gave me a fancy set of medallions to put in a shadowbox. Each one has the Roman numeral for the year of sobriety it signifies. I have the actual plastic poker chips, but he thought I would be proud to showcase the fancy ones since “I LOVE fancy”! Be still, Heart. I have decided to embrace my story and [...]
Having lived in Northern Arizona the majority of my life, I have come to love the great outdoors. Hiking, biking and camping have always been at the top of my list. I find stability, which I lacked in my growing up years, in Mother Nature. We have such a variety of animals in the north woods, of which most I have been privileged to observe. My dream has always been to travel to Canada and to see some of it's wonders of nature. I saw a documentary on television about the migration of geese that happens naturally in Canada. Seeing this miracle of Mother Nature is on my bucket list. When I ponder all of the wonders that happen right in my back yard, I feel the sense of my higher power working tirelessly for all of us. It was no wonder, when I came upon this story about the [...]
She was the problem. She was wild. I am not talking a little wild…I am talking wild to the core. She was so much fun. I just loved her, but she was the problem. It seemed that every time we got together, the cops were called and there was a ton of drama. Yes…she was the problem. We got off on being as crazy as possible, and I only recall memories of our time together with fondness. But deep down, I felt that if I distanced myself from her, I would distance myself from the craziness of alcoholism. I didn’t even realize that I was an alcoholic at the time. So, I walked away…somewhat consciously and somewhat unconsciously. Our lives diverged and we didn’t talk for many years. We didn’t have a falling out. We just simply migrated away from each other. We lived only a few short blocks from [...]
This article was written by Rene, founder of Love & Recovery, and first published on TinyBuddha.com. Click on the link to read the full article, Why We Need to Share Our Honest Feelings. She hurt my feelings. She was leaving soon to live in another country for up to six months. I knew that if I held on to my hurt, this resentment would fester, and my best friend would be the recipient of my anger. I prayed for courage to find the right words. I didn’t want to hurt her. I knew I had to say something or I would allow my hurt to manifest into something huge. The courage came, and I acted immediately. I dialed; my heart pounded. I was so afraid. She answered. The lump in my throat made me silent. I began to weep. I gently uttered, “I’m calling to tell you that you [...]
He wasn’t meant to live on the streets. He was raised in an upper-middle class family. He grew up in a nice home and he had nice things. He is gifted with wonderful talents. He sings beautiful melodies with a deep baritone voice. He writes his own lyrics—thought-provoking and soulful stories set to his original tracks. He is an artist and words are his medium. He went to college on a baseball scholarship. Boy, could he pitch! Did I mention that he is talented? An athlete, an intellectual, an artist. He also is a loner. He loves philosophy and gets frustrated with the mundane. He is brilliant and recites verses out of the Bible as well as studies the fundamentals of various other religious beliefs. He loves nature and animals. He is vegan and literally will not kill an ant or any other living creature. And, did I mention that [...]
Life in Recovery according to Kellyann. Simply being in the 6:45 Shark Island meeting on a Thursday morning..... The raw shares of open heartedness are touching; the laughter makes me feel lighter and happy to be an alcoholic with solution, the connection of mind, body, spirit, and soul...emotionally and physically are stunning, and I'm so relieved over and over again how blessed I am to be okay, just okay. The middle path - not too elated, not depressed, simply filled with abiding joy.
I'm sitting in traffic on Pacific Coast Highway gazing at the ocean and remembering the dark days that came with the city of Santa Monica from 2010 to 2012. I loved it here during that time. I was a tiny little speck among millions of people. No one knew my name, and I could slip into any one of thousands of liquor stores that are on every corner in Los Angeles. I was anonymous and could dive into my oblivion, and then spend my nights at that wretched apartment that sat high above the Pacific Ocean and overlooked the Santa Monica Pier. It was such a dichotomy. A beautiful view from a cluttered, dark mess. And there I would stand, looking out of the window with my best friend vodka and I would think how great life was. I enjoyed being unknown in my last years of drinking, so I [...]