12 11, 2017

Vulnerability in Sobriety

2020-11-11T15:25:45-08:00November 12th, 2017|Early Sobriety, Finding Me, Vulnerability in Sobriety|0 Comments

  I just love Lady Gaga, and as I was driving down Pacific Coast Highway this morning, she came on the radio. I blasted it loud “P p p poker face, p p p poker face!” I seriously love pumping up the tunes in my car and singing at the top of my lungs. I lived the first 43 years of my life with a poker face. Now, it was a face that my cousin likes to call “Little Miss Sunshine.” It didn’t matter what was happening in my life, I was always smiling and saying everything was “just fine.” It was my poker face. It was a survival skill I learned at a young age and it served me well for many years. In the last few years, have slowly been unmasking my poker face and tapping into something really effing scary. VULNERABILITY. Being vulnerable is similar to being [...]

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9 11, 2017

Flies and Showing Up

2020-11-11T15:25:46-08:00November 9th, 2017|Finding Me, Joyful Recovery, Showing Up|0 Comments

  Since coming out of the "writer's closet," I haven't been sleeping too well. My mind is buzzing with ideas. It's amazing and all, but sometimes it's like a pesky little fly inside my head buzzing and buzzing, and I just want to slap it down! Hmmm...a reference to flies. How funny. I have been battling flies in my life for about six months now. I am being totally serious. Every single day, I find a fly or two in my house, and they drive me absolutely bonkers. OMG! I am seriously having a revelation as I write this. So, I have a little dog named Stitch. He does do his "business" in the back yard on occasion. For the most part, I take him on walks, and he does his business around town, and I am pretty diligent about picking up his stuff, but I still have flies. It [...]

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8 11, 2017

Unleashing Me

2020-11-11T15:25:46-08:00November 8th, 2017|Early Sobriety, Finding Me, Joyful Recovery|0 Comments

  I feel wild and free. There is an energy pulsing through my body like I have never known. It's exhilarating. There is excitement in the air. And, I can't help but to smile and shine. Literally, I feel like there is an inner light surrounding my body. I want to dance and sing. My soul is on fire. It is shouting out "Thank you! Thank you for making space. Thank you for tapping in. Thank you for not rejecting me. Thank you for giving life to what we were called here to do. Thank you for listening. Thank you for being brave. Thank you for going deep." I have been unleashed! You know that feeling when you step off a roller coaster? That's what it feels like. You can't stop talking about it. You're energized. You're alive. Seriously, this shit is crazy. And it all started with a journal [...]

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5 11, 2017

Coming Out of the Writer’s Closet

2020-11-11T15:25:46-08:00November 5th, 2017|Early Sobriety, Fear, Finding Me, Joyful Recovery|0 Comments

  Pst. Pst. I have a secret. I am feeling all giddy inside. Seriously, I haven't felt like this since I was a kid. Giddy with excitement. Giddy with an I-can't-eat feeling in my stomach. Giddy that I have a secret that I am going to whisper to 1000 Facebook friends. I have lived my life consumed by the fear of what others will think of me, in all aspects. When I graduated college, I got a stale job in my hometown as an insurance adjuster. It didn't sound glamorous or light my fire in any way, but I took it anyway. Why? Well, I wanted to stay in my college town, and it was a professional job. I figured I should just take what I can get and see if I like it. Do you know where "take-what-you-can-get-and-see-if-you-like-it" will lead you? It led me straight to all fours, crawling under [...]

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