19 11, 2017

What If The Possibilities are Endless?

November 19th, 2017|Early Sobriety, Faith, Fear, Finding Me, Joyful Recovery, Showing Up, Vulnerability in Sobriety|0 Comments

What If? Do you ever get stuck in fear, afraid to make a decision? Do you find yourself full of the what-ifs?   What if it doesn’t work out? What if it’s the wrong color? What if I don’t succeed? What if I don’t like it after I buy it? What if I don’t want to go after I purchase the ticket? What if it’s raining that night? What if I don’t like the new people I will work with?   I don’t really suffer from the “what if’s” too often. I am decisive, and I generally go with my intuition whether the subject-in-question is big or small.   But I do hear a lot of people debating decisions…mulling them over, overthinking, and so on. And that’s their process. It’s just not a process I can deal with. I make decisions and move on. In most cases. 😊   Dating [...]

17 11, 2017

Joy Peace Sobriety

November 17th, 2017|Finding Me, Holiday, Joyful Recovery|0 Comments

What excites you?   I was starting to write this little piece, and I was thinking what are the things that really get me giddy with excitement. I think I already used the “excited as a kid at Christmas” analogy. So, I ponder, “What excites me?”   About four times per year, I go on a jewelry run for my business, Beach Beauty Bar. There is a gal named Lily who makes the most magnificent baubles you have ever draped around your dainty little neck.   Okay, so yes, Lily’s jewelry excites the shit out of me. Lily is like my drug dealer and I am a total junkie. I am jonesing for the goods. Seriously jonesing for the crack that Lily is peddling.   We never speak by phone. All communication is done via text message. And, she always tells me to bring my own baggies to transport my [...]

15 11, 2017

Joyful Sobriety

November 15th, 2017|Early Sobriety, Faith, Finding Me, Joyful Recovery|0 Comments

  I spritzed myself with my favorite perfume on my way out the door this morning. I stopped in at the local surf shot to grab a cup of brew and listen to tales of surfing from the local guys. I absolutely love that I get to stop in at a surf shop. It’s so different yet similar to Arizona where the hunters stop in at the gas station for coffee before heading out for a hunt. I love being a part of the local scene that is so nostalgically Huntington Beach. I savor this feeling that the beach is a part of me now, just like the mountains and pine trees will forever be a part of my heart. I’m sporting a new outfit, and I am feeling good… confident.  There’s something about a new outfit that inspires me take a little more time in getting ready. You know, [...]

13 11, 2017

Permission To Be Me

November 13th, 2017|Early Sobriety, Finding Me, Recovery Stories, Vulnerability in Sobriety|0 Comments

  Remember in grade school when we had to bring a permission slip from our parents to do certain things? We had to have permission to go on a field trip. We had to ask permission to stay the night at a friend's house. We are trained from childhood that we need permission to do almost everything. Permission is ingrained in us from childhood. When we were toddlers, we acted out of instinct…we just did what we wanted. And, then we slowly got conditioned to look to others for permission. Now believe me, I know it’s for the safety of children that they must seek permission. As we enter grade school, permission takes on a whole new level and meaning. We are now interacting with other children, and we seek permission in other ways. We gage how kids respond to us and adjust our behavior accordingly. I believe I was [...]

12 11, 2017

Vulnerability in Sobriety

November 12th, 2017|Early Sobriety, Finding Me, Vulnerability in Sobriety|0 Comments

  I just love Lady Gaga, and as I was driving down Pacific Coast Highway this morning, she came on the radio. I blasted it loud “P p p poker face, p p p poker face!” I seriously love pumping up the tunes in my car and singing at the top of my lungs. I lived the first 43 years of my life with a poker face. Now, it was a face that my cousin likes to call “Little Miss Sunshine.” It didn’t matter what was happening in my life, I was always smiling and saying everything was “just fine.” It was my poker face. It was a survival skill I learned at a young age and it served me well for many years. In the last few years, have slowly been unmasking my poker face and tapping into something really effing scary. VULNERABILITY. Being vulnerable is similar to being [...]

9 11, 2017

Flies and Showing Up

November 9th, 2017|Finding Me, Joyful Recovery, Showing Up|0 Comments

  Since coming out of the "writer's closet," I haven't been sleeping too well. My mind is buzzing with ideas. It's amazing and all, but sometimes it's like a pesky little fly inside my head buzzing and buzzing, and I just want to slap it down! Hmmm...a reference to flies. How funny. I have been battling flies in my life for about six months now. I am being totally serious. Every single day, I find a fly or two in my house, and they drive me absolutely bonkers. OMG! I am seriously having a revelation as I write this. So, I have a little dog named Stitch. He does do his "business" in the back yard on occasion. For the most part, I take him on walks, and he does his business around town, and I am pretty diligent about picking up his stuff, but I still have flies. It [...]

8 11, 2017

Unleashing Me

November 8th, 2017|Early Sobriety, Finding Me, Joyful Recovery|0 Comments

  I feel wild and free. There is an energy pulsing through my body like I have never known. It's exhilarating. There is excitement in the air. And, I can't help but to smile and shine. Literally, I feel like there is an inner light surrounding my body. I want to dance and sing. My soul is on fire. It is shouting out "Thank you! Thank you for making space. Thank you for tapping in. Thank you for not rejecting me. Thank you for giving life to what we were called here to do. Thank you for listening. Thank you for being brave. Thank you for going deep." I have been unleashed! You know that feeling when you step off a roller coaster? That's what it feels like. You can't stop talking about it. You're energized. You're alive. Seriously, this shit is crazy. And it all started with a journal [...]

5 11, 2017

Coming Out of the Writer’s Closet

November 5th, 2017|Early Sobriety, Fear, Finding Me, Joyful Recovery|0 Comments

  Pst. Pst. I have a secret. I am feeling all giddy inside. Seriously, I haven't felt like this since I was a kid. Giddy with excitement. Giddy with an I-can't-eat feeling in my stomach. Giddy that I have a secret that I am going to whisper to 1000 Facebook friends. I have lived my life consumed by the fear of what others will think of me, in all aspects. When I graduated college, I got a stale job in my hometown as an insurance adjuster. It didn't sound glamorous or light my fire in any way, but I took it anyway. Why? Well, I wanted to stay in my college town, and it was a professional job. I figured I should just take what I can get and see if I like it. Do you know where "take-what-you-can-get-and-see-if-you-like-it" will lead you? It led me straight to all fours, crawling under [...]

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