15 01, 2018

The Day I Got Sober

January 15th, 2018|Early Sobriety, Faith, Finding Me, Recovery Stories|0 Comments

  I didn’t know it at the time. I didn’t know it at the time that my life had forever changed on this day, January 14, 2014. It wasn’t until five or six days later that I even realized that January 14 should be earmarked as a momentous day. I remember sitting in my back yard smoking a Capri menthol and realizing that I hadn’t had a drink in five or six days. (Yes, I used to smoke, and I smoked those sissy cigs…Capris. They felt a little more elegant than Marlboro Reds.) It was amazing that I hadn’t had a drink, but what was even more remarkable was that I wasn’t trying to “not” drink. I simply hadn’t had one and it hadn’t crossed my mind. It felt a bit different. I wasn’t “willing” myself to not have a drink. I wasn’t white knuckling it or struggling to stay [...]

11 01, 2018

Self Discovery and Discernment in Sobriety

January 11th, 2018|Early Sobriety, Finding Me|0 Comments

  I could hear it happening from the other room. He got out of bed...well, shall I say jumped out of bed and headed for the door. Typically, he's not this spry at 5 AM. He's used to me waking around 4:30, making a pot of coffee and trying hard not to disturb his sleep. I turn on a small lamp and begin to write. This thing we do--it's a daily ritual. As I begin to write, he snuggles closer, almost burrowing into the side of me. He can't get close enough, and I just love his warmth next to me. But today is different. After I sleepily crawl back into bed to pull out my pen and begin to connect with myself and my higher power, he jumped out of bed. I can hear him. I love listening to what he's doing. His moves have recognizeable sounds associated with [...]

28 12, 2017

Rewiring My Mind and Spirit in Sobriety

December 28th, 2017|Early Sobriety, Finding Me|0 Comments

    There's this guy. I knew that would get your attention. Yes, there's this guy. Not just any guy. He's well-known among a circle of my friends. His name is Adrien. He's this handyman/painter kind of guy who works his way up and down our alley on both sides. He's been working on homes in our alley for close to 10 years. We have come to call it Adrian's alley. He has a waiting list. Everyone wants him. He can do just about anything when it comes to home repairs/maintenance and upkeep. The last time he did any work for me was about seven years ago. Besides some small projects, I really haven't done anything to my home since I bought it in 2001. This home has so many memories for me. It's a beach home and that means a lot to a small-town girl from the Arizona mountains. [...]

12 12, 2017

Gifting with Intention

December 12th, 2017|Finding Me, Holiday, Showing Up|0 Comments

  With Christmas around the corner, I’ve been thinking a lot about gift ideas. Gifting with intention keeps coming up for me. I want to give meaningful gifts to the people I love. Honestly, I haven’t much been into the holidays for the past several years. It really feels like a lot of work and effort. And it still does to a degree. The bah humbugs have besieged me for a few years. But my recent visit to New York City sparked a little holiday joy within me. There is something so magical about the big apple at Christmas time, and it really was just what I needed to reignite the spirit within me. As I am writing this savoring a hot cup of coffee with extra cream and my dog snuggled up next to me, I realize that the holidays had become too harried and frantic for me. In [...]

19 11, 2017

What If The Possibilities are Endless?

November 19th, 2017|Early Sobriety, Faith, Fear, Finding Me, Joyful Recovery, Showing Up, Vulnerability in Sobriety|0 Comments

What If? Do you ever get stuck in fear, afraid to make a decision? Do you find yourself full of the what-ifs?   What if it doesn’t work out? What if it’s the wrong color? What if I don’t succeed? What if I don’t like it after I buy it? What if I don’t want to go after I purchase the ticket? What if it’s raining that night? What if I don’t like the new people I will work with?   I don’t really suffer from the “what if’s” too often. I am decisive, and I generally go with my intuition whether the subject-in-question is big or small.   But I do hear a lot of people debating decisions…mulling them over, overthinking, and so on. And that’s their process. It’s just not a process I can deal with. I make decisions and move on. In most cases. 😊   Dating [...]

17 11, 2017

Joy Peace Sobriety

November 17th, 2017|Finding Me, Holiday, Joyful Recovery|0 Comments

What excites you?   I was starting to write this little piece, and I was thinking what are the things that really get me giddy with excitement. I think I already used the “excited as a kid at Christmas” analogy. So, I ponder, “What excites me?”   About four times per year, I go on a jewelry run for my business, Beach Beauty Bar. There is a gal named Lily who makes the most magnificent baubles you have ever draped around your dainty little neck.   Okay, so yes, Lily’s jewelry excites the shit out of me. Lily is like my drug dealer and I am a total junkie. I am jonesing for the goods. Seriously jonesing for the crack that Lily is peddling.   We never speak by phone. All communication is done via text message. And, she always tells me to bring my own baggies to transport my [...]

15 11, 2017

Joyful Sobriety

November 15th, 2017|Early Sobriety, Faith, Finding Me, Joyful Recovery|0 Comments

  I spritzed myself with my favorite perfume on my way out the door this morning. I stopped in at the local surf shot to grab a cup of brew and listen to tales of surfing from the local guys. I absolutely love that I get to stop in at a surf shop. It’s so different yet similar to Arizona where the hunters stop in at the gas station for coffee before heading out for a hunt. I love being a part of the local scene that is so nostalgically Huntington Beach. I savor this feeling that the beach is a part of me now, just like the mountains and pine trees will forever be a part of my heart. I’m sporting a new outfit, and I am feeling good… confident.  There’s something about a new outfit that inspires me take a little more time in getting ready. You know, [...]

13 11, 2017

Permission To Be Me

November 13th, 2017|Early Sobriety, Finding Me, Recovery Stories, Vulnerability in Sobriety|1 Comment

  Remember in grade school when we had to bring a permission slip from our parents to do certain things? We had to have permission to go on a field trip. We had to ask permission to stay the night at a friend's house. We are trained from childhood that we need permission to do almost everything. Permission is ingrained in us from childhood. When we were toddlers, we acted out of instinct…we just did what we wanted. And, then we slowly got conditioned to look to others for permission. Now believe me, I know it’s for the safety of children that they must seek permission. As we enter grade school, permission takes on a whole new level and meaning. We are now interacting with other children, and we seek permission in other ways. We gage how kids respond to us and adjust our behavior accordingly. I believe I was [...]

12 11, 2017

Vulnerability in Sobriety

November 12th, 2017|Early Sobriety, Finding Me, Vulnerability in Sobriety|0 Comments

  I just love Lady Gaga, and as I was driving down Pacific Coast Highway this morning, she came on the radio. I blasted it loud “P p p poker face, p p p poker face!” I seriously love pumping up the tunes in my car and singing at the top of my lungs. I lived the first 43 years of my life with a poker face. Now, it was a face that my cousin likes to call “Little Miss Sunshine.” It didn’t matter what was happening in my life, I was always smiling and saying everything was “just fine.” It was my poker face. It was a survival skill I learned at a young age and it served me well for many years. In the last few years, have slowly been unmasking my poker face and tapping into something really effing scary. VULNERABILITY. Being vulnerable is similar to being [...]

9 11, 2017

Flies and Showing Up

November 9th, 2017|Finding Me, Joyful Recovery, Showing Up|0 Comments

  Since coming out of the "writer's closet," I haven't been sleeping too well. My mind is buzzing with ideas. It's amazing and all, but sometimes it's like a pesky little fly inside my head buzzing and buzzing, and I just want to slap it down! Hmmm...a reference to flies. How funny. I have been battling flies in my life for about six months now. I am being totally serious. Every single day, I find a fly or two in my house, and they drive me absolutely bonkers. OMG! I am seriously having a revelation as I write this. So, I have a little dog named Stitch. He does do his "business" in the back yard on occasion. For the most part, I take him on walks, and he does his business around town, and I am pretty diligent about picking up his stuff, but I still have flies. It [...]

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