15 01, 2018

The Day I Got Sober

January 15th, 2018|Early Sobriety, Faith, Finding Me, Recovery Stories|0 Comments

  I didn’t know it at the time. I didn’t know it at the time that my life had forever changed on this day, January 14, 2014. It wasn’t until five or six days later that I even realized that January 14 should be earmarked as a momentous day. I remember sitting in my back yard smoking a Capri menthol and realizing that I hadn’t had a drink in five or six days. (Yes, I used to smoke, and I smoked those sissy cigs…Capris. They felt a little more elegant than Marlboro Reds.) It was amazing that I hadn’t had a drink, but what was even more remarkable was that I wasn’t trying to “not” drink. I simply hadn’t had one and it hadn’t crossed my mind. It felt a bit different. I wasn’t “willing” myself to not have a drink. I wasn’t white knuckling it or struggling to stay [...]

11 01, 2018

Self Discovery and Discernment in Sobriety

January 11th, 2018|Early Sobriety, Finding Me|0 Comments

  I could hear it happening from the other room. He got out of bed...well, shall I say jumped out of bed and headed for the door. Typically, he's not this spry at 5 AM. He's used to me waking around 4:30, making a pot of coffee and trying hard not to disturb his sleep. I turn on a small lamp and begin to write. This thing we do--it's a daily ritual. As I begin to write, he snuggles closer, almost burrowing into the side of me. He can't get close enough, and I just love his warmth next to me. But today is different. After I sleepily crawl back into bed to pull out my pen and begin to connect with myself and my higher power, he jumped out of bed. I can hear him. I love listening to what he's doing. His moves have recognizeable sounds associated with [...]

28 12, 2017

Rewiring My Mind and Spirit in Sobriety

December 28th, 2017|Early Sobriety, Finding Me|0 Comments

    There's this guy. I knew that would get your attention. Yes, there's this guy. Not just any guy. He's well-known among a circle of my friends. His name is Adrien. He's this handyman/painter kind of guy who works his way up and down our alley on both sides. He's been working on homes in our alley for close to 10 years. We have come to call it Adrian's alley. He has a waiting list. Everyone wants him. He can do just about anything when it comes to home repairs/maintenance and upkeep. The last time he did any work for me was about seven years ago. Besides some small projects, I really haven't done anything to my home since I bought it in 2001. This home has so many memories for me. It's a beach home and that means a lot to a small-town girl from the Arizona mountains. [...]

19 11, 2017

What If The Possibilities are Endless?

November 19th, 2017|Early Sobriety, Faith, Fear, Finding Me, Joyful Recovery, Showing Up, Vulnerability in Sobriety|0 Comments

What If? Do you ever get stuck in fear, afraid to make a decision? Do you find yourself full of the what-ifs?   What if it doesn’t work out? What if it’s the wrong color? What if I don’t succeed? What if I don’t like it after I buy it? What if I don’t want to go after I purchase the ticket? What if it’s raining that night? What if I don’t like the new people I will work with?   I don’t really suffer from the “what if’s” too often. I am decisive, and I generally go with my intuition whether the subject-in-question is big or small.   But I do hear a lot of people debating decisions…mulling them over, overthinking, and so on. And that’s their process. It’s just not a process I can deal with. I make decisions and move on. In most cases. 😊   Dating [...]

15 11, 2017

Joyful Sobriety

November 15th, 2017|Early Sobriety, Faith, Finding Me, Joyful Recovery|0 Comments

  I spritzed myself with my favorite perfume on my way out the door this morning. I stopped in at the local surf shot to grab a cup of brew and listen to tales of surfing from the local guys. I absolutely love that I get to stop in at a surf shop. It’s so different yet similar to Arizona where the hunters stop in at the gas station for coffee before heading out for a hunt. I love being a part of the local scene that is so nostalgically Huntington Beach. I savor this feeling that the beach is a part of me now, just like the mountains and pine trees will forever be a part of my heart. I’m sporting a new outfit, and I am feeling good… confident.  There’s something about a new outfit that inspires me take a little more time in getting ready. You know, [...]

14 11, 2017

Rituals to Enhance Sobriety

November 14th, 2017|Early Sobriety, Joyful Recovery, Recovery Stories|0 Comments

  I sashayed down Main Street feeling like Carrie Bradshaw from Sex in the City. Grinning, I looked people in the eye and said hello. I chatted with strangers as they stopped to pet my French bulldog, Stitch, and he was happy to oblige them. I have often compared downtown Huntington Beach to Beaver Cleaver land, where everyone knows you and your dog’s name, and where the neighbors are friendly and chit chat in their front yards about local happenings. It’s more than congenial.  It’s jovial. And, tonight on this warm November evening, Stitch and I strolled down to the weekly Tuesday night street fair and farmers market. It’s within walking distance from our house, and it’s always fun to run into friends along the way. Our walks to the street fair are always pleasant, but tonight seemed different. It seemed magical. I felt like I had stepped right onto [...]

13 11, 2017

Permission To Be Me

November 13th, 2017|Early Sobriety, Finding Me, Recovery Stories, Vulnerability in Sobriety|1 Comment

  Remember in grade school when we had to bring a permission slip from our parents to do certain things? We had to have permission to go on a field trip. We had to ask permission to stay the night at a friend's house. We are trained from childhood that we need permission to do almost everything. Permission is ingrained in us from childhood. When we were toddlers, we acted out of instinct…we just did what we wanted. And, then we slowly got conditioned to look to others for permission. Now believe me, I know it’s for the safety of children that they must seek permission. As we enter grade school, permission takes on a whole new level and meaning. We are now interacting with other children, and we seek permission in other ways. We gage how kids respond to us and adjust our behavior accordingly. I believe I was [...]

12 11, 2017

Vulnerability in Sobriety

November 12th, 2017|Early Sobriety, Finding Me, Vulnerability in Sobriety|0 Comments

  I just love Lady Gaga, and as I was driving down Pacific Coast Highway this morning, she came on the radio. I blasted it loud “P p p poker face, p p p poker face!” I seriously love pumping up the tunes in my car and singing at the top of my lungs. I lived the first 43 years of my life with a poker face. Now, it was a face that my cousin likes to call “Little Miss Sunshine.” It didn’t matter what was happening in my life, I was always smiling and saying everything was “just fine.” It was my poker face. It was a survival skill I learned at a young age and it served me well for many years. In the last few years, have slowly been unmasking my poker face and tapping into something really effing scary. VULNERABILITY. Being vulnerable is similar to being [...]

8 11, 2017

Unleashing Me

November 8th, 2017|Early Sobriety, Finding Me, Joyful Recovery|0 Comments

  I feel wild and free. There is an energy pulsing through my body like I have never known. It's exhilarating. There is excitement in the air. And, I can't help but to smile and shine. Literally, I feel like there is an inner light surrounding my body. I want to dance and sing. My soul is on fire. It is shouting out "Thank you! Thank you for making space. Thank you for tapping in. Thank you for not rejecting me. Thank you for giving life to what we were called here to do. Thank you for listening. Thank you for being brave. Thank you for going deep." I have been unleashed! You know that feeling when you step off a roller coaster? That's what it feels like. You can't stop talking about it. You're energized. You're alive. Seriously, this shit is crazy. And it all started with a journal [...]

5 11, 2017

Coming Out of the Writer’s Closet

November 5th, 2017|Early Sobriety, Fear, Finding Me, Joyful Recovery|0 Comments

  Pst. Pst. I have a secret. I am feeling all giddy inside. Seriously, I haven't felt like this since I was a kid. Giddy with excitement. Giddy with an I-can't-eat feeling in my stomach. Giddy that I have a secret that I am going to whisper to 1000 Facebook friends. I have lived my life consumed by the fear of what others will think of me, in all aspects. When I graduated college, I got a stale job in my hometown as an insurance adjuster. It didn't sound glamorous or light my fire in any way, but I took it anyway. Why? Well, I wanted to stay in my college town, and it was a professional job. I figured I should just take what I can get and see if I like it. Do you know where "take-what-you-can-get-and-see-if-you-like-it" will lead you? It led me straight to all fours, crawling under [...]

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